New Girl... A sitcom about a group of very weird roommates who somehow become each other's whole world. And the subject of our blueprint-specific analysis today. A brief rundown, for those who don't know it: Jess Day moves into a loft with three single guys after a bad breakup, and what starts as an odd-couple arrangement slowly becomes the emotional centre of the show... especially between Jess and Nick, who spend years circling each other before either of them can admit what's going on. In the scene we've chosen for looking at the Attunement Blueprint, Jess's friend Cece has just told her that Nick has feelings for her. Jess, now hyper-aware, starts noticing "signs" everywhere, including that Nick's feet keep unconsciously pointing at her (apparently that's a thing). On the drive home, they pass a street vendor selling flowers through the car window. Nick, half-joking, buys Jess a rose. What happens next is an exaggerated funny take on the world of the Attunement Blueprint. We couldn't find the whole scene in one clip, so it's broken into three. They are only around a minute long each... watch them, and then let's come back and discuss what's happening. 1. The Setup New Girl: Nick & Jess 1x05 #4 (Jess: We're just friends) 2. Pointing Feet New Girl: Nick & Jess 1x05 #5 (Nick: Jess, I was joking) 3. The Getaway Nick Bought Jess A Roses But She Run Away | New Girl Did you see it? She fights the rose like it's on fire, flings herself out of the car, and runs off down the street. Woah 😅 One of the tendencies of those with the Attunement Blueprint is that the moment closeness becomes unavoidably real... even in the smallest, silliest way, like a two-dollar rose from a car window... something in the body reacts before the mind gets a vote. The Attunement Blueprint is wired with a sensitivity of what can go wrong when intimacy develops, and an instinctual protective mechanism to safeguard against that. It's not because they don't want intimacy, it's because intimacy tends to come with a lot of complex stuff that can feel really unsafe. She doesn't want to mess up this new thing... a new home, men who treat her well... and so... feeling that possibility that it could all go wrong, she does the only thing she knows how to do... Run. The Attunement Blueprint has both avoidant tendencies (run) AND preoccupation tendencies (she's spent the entire day preoccupied, and you can bet she's still thinking about him as she runs off down the street!) Nick, understandably, has no idea what the hell just happened, a common experience for those in relationship with the Attunement Blueprint. Healing for this blueprint is a delicate dance of attending to both of these impulsive tendencies, the avoidance and the preoccupation. Learning to find the ability to create space within that loosens the grip of the preoccupied mind, and find the regulation to stay in the room when intimacy deepens.

How I met your mother... One of the sitcom classics, if you like sitcoms. A brief rundown of the show, for those who don't know it: This sitcom is presented as one giant flashback. The main character, Ted Mosby, sits his teenage son and daughter down to tell them the long, winding story of how he met their mother through a long, rambling experience of dating encounters. Ted is a hopeless romantic and on a quest to find "the one". In the scene we've chosen for looking at the Connection Blueprint, we have Ted and Robin, who later becomes one of the core friend group, going out on their first date. They are hitting it off, and despite Ted's bumbling attempts at flirting, she is responding well. Alas, she gets called away to work early so they have to say goodbye, and he fails to kiss her and later with his friends laments that perhaps this was a BIG mistake. And so, determined to make up for his mistake... he does he undertakes a series of pretty outrageous moves, buuuutt not that far out of the realms of those who fit the Connection Blueprint. Watch the clip, it's 8 minutes and sets the whole scene, and then let's look at it a little bit deeper. Robin and Ted's first date You see it? "I think I'm in love with you" Woah woah... easy there tiger! 🐅 Not only that... but at 1am, wearing a suit, with a stolen blue "Smurf penis" French horn to 'pick up' a jar of olives... 🤣🤣🤣 Classic Connection Blueprint. One of the tendencies of those with this blueprint is to come on fast and strong. The Connection Blueprint is wired to connect... and so it wants to bond, and to bond quickly. When the feelings are alive, why wait? The problem is that this blueprint is almost always attracted to an oppositely polarised blueprint... and bonding quick is not what they want to do! So this impulse to race towards connection almost always ends up getting less of the connection this blueprint is actually craving. That sucks. When we heal the wounds underneath this blueprint though, we start to source the connection from within and become much more masterful at creating connection, rather than trying to get connection. At least Ted did handle the rejection pretty well... ... apart from spending the next 9 seasons pining after her 🥹 The Connection Blueprint really doesn't like letting go. This clip highlights just one of the unconscious ineffective strategies this blueprint might resort to when it comes to relationship, there are many more... but underlying all of them is the same core need running the show. Connection.

Seinfeld... A show about four New Yorkers who turn the smallest social frictions of daily life into an entire plot. An entire show based around pretty much nothing. Which, coincidentally, makes it one of the best sources of attachment content ever accidentally filmed. For this investigation of the Alignment Blueprint we are going to be following Elaine, who is dating Jake Jarmel, a writer. Things seem to be going fine. And then she notices something that changes everything for her in an instant. To everyone around her, it's kind of insane. But to Elaine, it's crucial. Watch the clip, the part we are talking about happens in the first 3 minutes, and then let's look at it a little bit deeper. Elaine and the Exclamation Point! - Seinfeld - The Sniffing Accountant and The Muffin Tops Myra had the baby. No exclamation mark. What the hell is wrong with this guy!? 😬 A missing punctuation mark turns into a full-blown referendum on whether this man is even capable of feeling things. The thing is, it's not about the exclamation mark at all. It's about values. For Elaine, an exclamation point signals excitement, and excitement means care, and care means they are on the same page. Without this seemingly simple point of alignment, how does their relationship even make sense? One of the tendencies of those with the Alignment Blueprint is to take a tiny detail... and read it as proof of something much bigger. Not enough enthusiasm. Not enough depth. Not quite the frequency they know is possible in a relationship. The difficult part though is that this tendency is a reactive pattern. While it can seem so sure of itself, the impulse to get fixated on what isn't in alignment can unintentionally end up running the show for an entire lifetime. Even in relationship, those points of misalignment can cause the inner 'ick' - that internal cringe that suddenly feels turned off. The problem is, it's not always easy to turn it back on. In 9 seasons of Seinfeld, Elaine never forms a meaningful long-term relationship... and every time, it's some little thing she gets the cringe for. The healing for this blueprint happens when a bigger context of time and space opens up. When they recognise that the alignment they seek happens internally. Then... they can finally see the entirety of another person, and what it truly means to weave two different beings together into one shared purpose. That's what real Alignment actually is.

Sex and the City... A show about four women in New York, and one man who spent six seasons sometimes the villain, sometimes the hero. Always polarised. That man is Mr. Big. For this look at the Freedom Blueprint, we're watching the first time everything unravels between Big and Carrie. The pattern is a classic one, we've all certainly seen this before, but what's happening underneath it all is what's actually important to explore right now. Watch the clip, it's just 4 and 1/2 minutes long, and then let's take a deeper look at it. Carrie and Big S2 EP 12 "You'd be moving to Paris for yourself right, I mean don't move for me" "Look I have to be in a relationship where if I have to go to Paris I have to go to Paris" "This isn't about you, it's about work!" And then Carrie nails him... "No this isn't about work this is about us getting closer and you getting so freaked out that you have to put an ocean between us" 😮 It's not about you, it's about me. One of the catch phrases of the Freedom Blueprint... often riiiiiiight when things start moving beyond that fun time at the beginning of a relationship when the intimacy is high but the obligations are low. Big isn't the villain here, although those with this blueprint are often painted to be. His needs are real but they aren't quite what he's saying they are, or what she thinks they are. Watch this scene again and you'll notice Carrie isn't just asking to be included. She's asking Big to prove, in real time, that he cares... and the more she pushes for that proof, the further he pulls back. That's not because he doesn't care. When he says "I do [love you]" he means it. BUT For this blueprint, being asked to perform closeness on demand can feel exactly like the thing it's spent a lifetime protecting against: losing the space to just be themselves. From the outside, not mentioning Paris until it's basically decided looks like carelessness. From the inside, it's probably closer to the reality that some part of him already knew that bringing it up would turn into exactly the conversation it turned into, so he put it off as long as he could. That's not the healthy version of this blueprint. It's the wounded one. Healthy Freedom doesn't stay quiet to avoid the conversation... it's the version of Big who could have said, much earlier, "there's a chance I might have to go to Paris, I want you to know as it develops." Or... even more honestly, a version of Big who could have said "I really like you, and I need to slow down to the speed that I can truly adjust my life to account for another person in it" The wounded version of this blueprint believes that deepening in intimacy means losing their sense of self. The healthy version realises that it's responsibility is to manage the speed of intimacy so that it can be sustainable. The wounded version unfortunately leaves such a trail of dashed hopes and broken hearts behind them that they've earned a reputation. Yet it doesn't have to be that way. Real freedom isn't the freedom to be alone. It's the power to create a love that two people can fully live in without anybody having to lose themself.